I Miss You…

A year later. It seems as though everyone’s forgotten you. It seems as though everyone’s moved on with their lives and chalked you up to a distant memory. Frankly, it makes me sick. How could you not be a motivating force? How could you not be a daily remembrance? How could anyone just pretend you never happened?

You’ve given me more in death than I ever gave you in life. I live each day for you. My accomplishments and decisions are truly rooted in honoring you. You inspired me to go to school, to do something. You inspired me to take on the monumental tasks I have set. I want to make you proud. While your message appears to not have been heard, I need you to know I listened. I responded. I still respond.

Your baby sister, like you, is beautiful. You’d love her. I gave to her your name as a reminder, as an honor. She is a happy baby, and I refuse to ever let her be away from me. My sun rises and sets with her. I see alot of you in her, and in my mind, you live on through her.

Your brother? I fear for him. Your mom has poisoned and ruined him, and I am afraid there might be little chance of rescuing him from himself. He needs me, but the obstacles placed there by those who would prefer to hurt him to get at me are almost insurmountable. I have tried to keep my word to you, but I am running out of time, and running out of resources. What can I do?

I still have the dream. It’s the cruelest of punishments – waking to realize I couldn’t stop you, and you’re still gone. I thought it might get a little easier with time, with Shayne. Not true. I think in alot of ways, it’s gotten harder. I am ashamed of myself.  I’m ashamed of those who could have helped you and did not because they worried about what others would say. 

     It’s not in vain, I promise you.  You are not forgotten.  You are remembered and missed daily, hourly.  I miss you.  I would give anything to have you back.  Anything.